In traditional Filipino family dynamics, dads are the primary breadwinners, while moms typically stay at home and are responsible for managing the household.
However, as work from home jobs become increasingly popular and more and more women join the workforce, this dynamic is sometimes reversed.
Today, many moms are breadwinners, while some “househusbands” handle household management.
While this role reversal grants greater autonomy for working moms, it can also lead to marital issues if not handled properly.
Thus, managing a household between a breadwinner mom and a stay-at-home dad requires clear communication, shared responsibilities, and mutual respect.
In celebration of Mother’s Day, let’s discuss some strategies to help you create a harmonious home in this modern parenting setup:
Breadwinner Moms: Breaking the Stereotype
Let’s begin by taking a closer look at the rise of breadwinner moms today.
The 2022 National Demographic and Health Survey (NDHS) found that among married women aged 15-49, 26.2% earn more than their husbands, and 3.1% are the sole breadwinners.
This growth stems from economic pressures and rising living costs, especially in urban areas. According to a December 2024 SWS survey, 63% of Filipinos see themselves as poor, a 4% increase from the figure recorded in September the same year.
Aside from economic reasons, the gaps in education and higher management roles between men and women have also gotten narrower.
In a report by the Philippine Commission on Women, women now make up 32% of STEM enrollees in Senior High School and hold 53% of managerial positions in the public sector.
While many older Filipinos still believe in traditional family roles, there is a growing acceptance amongst younger generations of shared financial and caregiving responsibilities between husband and wife.
Finally, female-headed households now represent roughly a quarter of Filipino households (25.8%). Single mothers and other solo parents are also receiving more policy support to help them shoulder their substantial responsibilities.
The Stay-at-Home Dad: A New Era of Fatherhood
Coinciding with the rise of breadwinner moms is the fatherhood trend of househusbands or stay-at-home fathers (SAHFs).
This is a result of the increasing number of Filipino women becoming Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) or pursuing a career either in the office or via stay at home jobs.
Furthermore, many millennial dads prioritize being active in their children’s lives and managing the household, roles traditionally done by their wives.
Research also shows that children under the care of SAHFs develop strong problem-solving skills, emotional resilience, and secure attachments.
Also, families experience more equitable divisions of labor and enhanced emotional cohesion when fathers manage day-to-day household tasks.
However, transitioning from breadwinner to managing a household isn’t easy.
According to a study, many first-time SAHFs experienced a feeling of isolation and uncertainty, expressing a strong desire for recognition for their emotional labor and parental contributions.
Then there’s the skepticism they face in a society that expects them to be breadwinners. SAHFs often encounter judgmental attitudes from peers and relatives for doing “women’s work.”
Fortunately, SAHFs are slowly becoming normalized given the factors mentioned above. In addition, there are also groups that SAHFs can join for support.
Balancing Domestic Responsibilities in Reversed Roles
A crucial step in maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse when the roles are reversed is ensuring a healthy division of labor.
When chores and caregiving are assigned based on preference or affinity, couples report higher relationship satisfaction and reduced conflict.
For example, while dads handle daily routines like bringing kids to school, grocery runs, and bedtime rituals, moms can take over for meal preparation and bill payments – whichever either partner is better at or more comfortable doing.
To help organize and coordinate their tasks at home, many couples use traditional to-do lists and apps like Cozi, Picniic, and OurHome.
These apps feature shared calendars, a digital grocery list, and chore trackers so couples can avoid forgetting tasks and scheduling conflicts.
Finding a Healthy Emotional Balance Between Providing and Caregiving
Many breadwinner moms struggle to balance their jobs with household management, leading to resentment and envy of their partners’ time with their kids.
Meanwhile, many dads who remain at home struggle with diminished self-worth and isolation from not meeting society’s traditional expectations.
Thus, besides sharing domestic responsibilities, couples must support each other emotionally as well.
Activities like daily check-ins, where each partner shares their wins and challenges, foster empathy and prevent conflict over unspoken resentment.
Financial Management and Role-Based Budgeting
Traditionally, mothers handled family budgeting duties, and this has only become more prevalent as more women become their family’s breadwinners.
That said, this responsibility, coupled with their work, can lead to stress and feeling overburdened.
Because of this, couples in this setup must carefully assign which financial task goes to whom.
Breadwinner moms can delegate daily spending decisions (i.e., groceries and utilities) to their husbands, which in turn boosts their confidence in managing the household.
Having explicitly defined financial roles also prevents overlooked payments and ensures that the family’s monthly expenses remain within the budget.
Speaking of budgeting, here’s an article that can help you get started.
Communication and Respect: The Core of Role Reversal Success
Effective communication enables a working mom and a stay-at-home dad to express their feelings without judgment and to support one another.
For this to happen, they must respect and appreciate each other’s contributions.
Of course, there will be times when conflicts may arise between the couple, as this reversal challenges traditional gender roles.
Here’s what you can do to overcome them together:
- Practice Active Listening:
- Active listening involves going beyond merely hearing what the speaker says, but also actively processing and seeking to understand the intent and meaning behind it.
- This includes observing the speaker’s body language, reading subtle social cues, and controlling your emotional response.
- Use “I” Statements:
- Frame concerns around your feelings instead of accusing your partner.
- Instead of saying, “You never help around the house,” you can say, “I feel overwhelmed when the chores pile up.”
- Stick to One Issue at a Time:
- Focus on the current concern to keep the conversation clear and manageable.
- Take Responsibility, Avoid Blame:
- Own your part in the disagreement as it reduces escalation and fosters accountability.
- Cultivate Self-Awareness and Emotional Regulation:
- If you’re too stressed or tired, delay heavy discussions until you can better engage calmly.
Raising Kids in a Role-Reversed Household
Children internalize and imitate their parents’ behaviors. Thus, when you and your partner actively demonstrate nontraditional divisions of labor, children develop a more flexible attitude towards gender roles.
A study from the University of British Columbia showed that daughters who see their fathers perform household chores are more likely to envision themselves in leadership roles rather than traditional “feminine” careers.
Furthermore, early childhood experts say that children learn social-emotional competencies like perspective-taking and emotional regulation by watching their parents negotiate household conflicts respectfully.
Career Growth for Moms While Managing a Family
A common challenge for Filipino breadwinner moms is how to balance their careers with fulfilling their motherhood responsibilities.
To overcome this, here are some useful tips working moms can follow:
- Choose a Family-Friendly Employer:
- Look for keywords like “work-life balance” and “flexibility” in job descriptions, and look for policies like paid leaves and childcare stipends when job hunting.
- Establish Clear Boundaries With Your Employer:
- Set definitive work hours and communicate them with your boss and co-workers so your job won’t spill over into your personal life.
- Coordinate Calendars and Plan Weekly:
- Engage in weekly planning sessions with your partner to align schedules and responsibilities so that you can both meet work and family commitments.
- Practice Self-Care:
- While wanting to spend as much time with your kids is admirable, remember to carve out some time for yourself too.
- Leverage Remote and Hybrid Options:
- Consider applying for remote or stay at home jobs so you can cut commute times and spend more time with your family.
How Stay-at-Home Dads Can Help Their Wives’ Professional Growth
Want to support your wife’s career aspirations? Here’s how:
- Validate Both Roles:
- Remind her, and others, that parenting and career success are complementary, not conflicting.
- By acknowledging the value of her dual roles, you’re helping your wife build more confidence at work.
- Share Household and Childcare Duties:
- Take primary responsibility for managing the household and taking care of the children so your wife can focus on her work.
- Cultivate a Strong Support Network:
- Encourage your wife to join mentorship groups, professional associations, and female-focused networks to help her build connections within her industry.
Building a Support Network: Friends, Family, And Online Communities
Going against gender and parenting norms in the Philippines is no easy task.
Fortunately, you and your spouse don’t have to face these struggles by yourselves.
Establishing a reliable network of friends, family, and even online communities can help in navigating these challenges.
For instance, connecting with other role-reversed couples in online communities provides a sense of belonging and reinforces the validity of your family’s structure.
FAQs
Here are some of the most common questions people ask about managing a household between a breadwinner mom and a househusband:
Can a Stay-At-Home Dad Find Ways to Earn While Managing Household Duties?
Definitely.
With the growth of work from home jobs, househusbands now have more opportunities to earn money while taking care of their children.
Popular remote roles include virtual assistant jobs, online transcription jobs, and online writing jobs.
Got an eye for art? If so, online design jobs are in demand in several industries.
Got great English-speaking skills? Consider becoming an ESL (English as a Second Language) tutor. Aside from being potentially lucrative, online tutoring jobs also offer schedule flexibility, so you can balance your students with household chores.
How Can Couples Maintain Balance and Avoid Resentment in Reversed Roles?
Just like any relationship, clear communication is a must for ensuring a harmonious relationship between a househusband and a working mom.
Start by discussing each partner’s responsibilities and limits.
Rather than splitting the tasks 50/50, negotiate a division of labor that aligns with your strengths and schedules.
In addition, resentment often comes from unmet needs and suppressed emotions. Thus, before addressing any resentment you may have with your spouse, practice self-compassion first so you can have a calm, constructive dialogue.
Furthermore, consider scheduling weekly “relationship check-ins” to revisit roles, celebrate successes, and tweak responsibilities as needed.
Are There Government or NGO Programs That Support Non-Traditional Family Setups in the Philippines?
The Philippine government continues to support non-traditional family setups through programs and legal frameworks like:
- The Magna Carta for Women (RA 9710):
- Establishes women’s rights, mandates gender-responsive policymaking, and requires all government units to implement Gender and Development (GAD) plans and budgets.
- Gender and Development (GAD) Budgeting:
- Through the Philippine Commission on Women, government agencies allocate and audit GAD funds to ensure programs address the needs of non-traditional families, from livelihood projects to social protection services.
- Empowerment and Reaffirmation of Paternal Abilities (ERPAT) by DSWD:
- The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) developed this program to equip fathers with parenting skills like hands-on caregiving, early child development, and creating a supportive home environment.
Aside from the government, there are also Non-Government Organizations (NGOs) that support non-traditional family setups like:
- Gawad Kalinga (GK):
- GK’s Center for Social Innovation encourages entrepreneurship among community members, including stay-at-home parents.
- By providing training and resources, GK empowers individuals to contribute economically while managing household responsibilities.
- World Vision Philippines:
- World Vision conducts programs that empower fathers to become active participants in their children’s lives.
- By training individuals on gender equality and child protection, they aim to create a safe and nurturing environment for children.
Thriving in a Modern Filipino Household
Due to economic and social factors, many families today are challenging the traditional roles of a father and mother in the household.
Many moms are now their family’s sole breadwinners, while their husbands take up managing the household and raising the kids. This even has the positive effect of teaching their kids a more flexible view on gender roles.
However, practicing this family setup can be challenging in a somewhat patriarchal society like the Philippines.
Fortunately, by following the strategies above, couples can create a thriving home environment where everyone feels valued – regardless of what role they play.
Are you planning on shifting to an online work from home setup? Or perhaps you want to supplement your spouse’s income while still raising a family?
Whatever your answer may be, Remote Staff is here to help.
Our jobs list contains plenty of fully online positions to choose from.
So, what are you waiting for? Sign up here. Good luck, and Happy Mother’s Day!
